All grown up

When I was little,I wanted to grow up so bad.Sneaking into my mother’s room when she wasn’t around to wear all her fancy clothes ,jewelry and shoes acting all grown up and motherly. I was always filled with glee. I started acting all matured and grown up and following my elder siblings thinking I was so cool. I wish someone told me to stop that and enjoy my childhood.

Now I’m in the university wishing I never did something’s and wishing I did do something’s . I miss being little and running around the house in just my pant and I miss when my dad would carry me on his shoulders and we would go on long walks. I miss the times when all I had to worry about was what color of sandals I would wear to school or if I should carry my pink strawberry shortcake or my purple wizards of the wavily place school bag.

I’am almost 18 and it seems like I have too much on my plate. I have large shoes to fill and it feels like am drowning and no one is here to help. Day to day I face social anxiety, fake friends,fear of abandonment ,fear of not being good enough and all other things that any normal teenager is worried about.

Sometimes I feel depressed and I just want to go back to being a little girl again. But I know that’s not gonna happen. With the failed relationships and friendships, I have realized that the people that I thought would be in my life forever were not ment to be and that’s a hard pill to swallow. Betrayals and hard times have showed me who my true friends are. And the people that I least expected stood by me and am forever grateful. I have learned to let toxic people and things go in order for me to gain self growth and development.

I have realized that at the end of the day, family will always be by your side and I’m forever grateful that I was born into the wonderful family that I belong to. I know that I have to battle through this and come out a victor. I know that this is just a phase that I’m going through and one day I’m gonna look back and laugh at what I thought was the end of that world cause I know that I would be facing more challenges by then.

But until then, I would work on myself cause I know that I’m all I got and I will try and become a better person and hopefully I will triumph. I’m gonna work very hard to achieve my goals and make my mark on the world. I know that I’m strong and you don’t have to tell me that and I am, I know and gonna triumph and no ones gonna stop my shine.